Just the Genetic Me

Several times within the past week, I have gone out with no makeup on.  I didn't have any blaring pimples, the runs were nothing of significance, and I was just too lazy to put on the few dabs of makeup I usually do.  And every one of those times this past week, I've either gotten compliments on the street I've never heard before--such as "DAMN girl, you sexy as FUCK"--or close friends like Volcano and Lavender asking "what's different today" or why I "looked so good."  And remember, the boys never compliment me.

Literally, all I wear on a normal day is mascara and cover-up where I have zits.  If I feel like jazzing it up a bit, I might put on some eye shadow or eyeliner as well.  No foundation, bronzer, blush, lipstick, etc.  Mascara.  Yet apparently, its absence makes me more attractive.  Who knew!

Moral of the story?  No matter how little you may do to impress the world, you're still doing something to impress.  You're not being entirely you.  Less is more and you may be more beautiful when you're simply the raw, bare you that your genetics coded for.  Now, that being said, I'm not going to never wear mascara again.  I like it, I like how it makes my eyes look.  And I certainly am still going to dab a little cover-up when I breakout, because I don't like people looking at my acne.  But if I don't feel like it one day or I'm not worried about impressing Drifter or someone, I probably won't wear anything anymore.  And I, my purely genetic self, just might be confident doing so.

Heidi Klum--SO beautiful!

Makeup-less and sweatpants-ed,
The A.S.S.

He makes me want to burst. Seriously.

I don't want to be alone any more.

I've been fine for the past few months after my last big rejection, and I decided, "Fuck it. I'm single and I can't change that right now."  And somehow, that worked and I didn't care about being single.  It was just what I was and that's how my life was.  No big deal either way.  But now, now that there is a prospect and there has been even the slightest form of reciprocation, I'm getting butterflies all the time.

I think about Drifter more than I should--we still barely know each other.  But we've had a few dates now and every time, the hours just fly by as we talk and tell stories and just laugh with each other.  Believe me, I know how corny and ridiculous I sound when I say this, but I honestly and truly feel that he and I have a deeper connection I've never formed with someone so quickly.  It was there as soon as I met him.  Right from the start, we understood each other.  And it took a lot of finagling and walking on eggshells to get the ball rolling, but it is now and I can't believe how I'm feeling.

I don't think I felt this way even when my first boyfriend kissed me for the first time!  He makes me smile constantly and I'm so incredibly comfortable with him--I tell him stories I would never tell a stranger and he reciprocates.  We're moving slowly, but there are definite steps being taken and my heart is flying.

I was fine being alone.  I was content.  I walked down the streets, singing the music in my headphones, and smiling for no reason.  Things were working.  But now there's this wrench in the situation--I smile wider, I play my music louder, I sing more strongly, and I dance.  I was fine being alone, but not anymore.  I just want to be with him.  I want to hear another story from him, I want to order him another cup of coffee, I want to hold his hands and turn them over as I trace the lines in them, study the way he sits in his own skin, laugh at his ridiculous stories, show him that scar on my shoulder, lose myself in his eyes, and I want to melt into his smile.  Even as winter approaches and the sun disappears into the haze, there's this new part of me that's shining so brightly I want to burst.

Yeah, he literally makes me want to burst with joy.  I won't say I'm in love, but I think this just might be the precursor to it.

Taken from http://porcelainteacup.deviantart.com/#/d2xkc2b

Dancing on clouds,
The Amplified Shadowed Side.

Gratuitous Boy Talk

Time to talk about boys!  As much as I hate to dump this out on a blog, I promised to do just that.  And what blog of a college girl would be complete without boy talk?

So!  There are three I'd like to tell you all about.  One of them you already know!  You remember Peachy Keen?  Cool.

Let's begin, yes?  We'll start from what we know.

And NOW It's Rejection.

The weekend is over, so NOW it's rejection.  Here's the story:

I met a guy at a party a few weeks ago.  I thought we had really hit it off, talking extensively, enthusiastically, and understandingly.  I felt this deeper connection from the get-go, which basically never happens to me.  I couldn't help it, but there was this great sense that he actually understood me.  And few people understand me--hell, I barely understand me.  So when we hit it off so well, I was intrigued.

I wanted to talk for hours, but he had to leave.  So I waited a few days and my friend who had introduced us encouraged me to keep in touch with the guy.  My friend insisted he was one of the greatest guys he knew and I should absolutely go for it.  So, with the guidance of my friend, I facebooked him and waited a few more days to send a message.  The message expressed my interest but left it an open-ended question--I gave him my number and told him to contact me anytime.  The ball was in his court.  And then came the waiting game.

I sent it exactly a week ago.  I figured maybe he would be quick to send a response with few details but a clearly illustrated interest--nothing.  My guy friends said to wait it out over the weekend, because that's when you would actually do something, if anything.  So I waited.  I waited and avoided using the term.  Well, it's Monday now.  And not a single word from him.  The weekend is over, so now it's rejection.

And cue the standard emotional struggle!  Do I pursue further, do I try to just be friends?  Is he a douchebag for not even saying a damn word to me, do I just push him from my mind and move on?  Oh, the politics of flirtation.  I really just don't know how to play the game at all.  Another plunge, another rejection.

Put it on my tab.

http://silvermercury.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d10iyru

Alone once again,
The A.S.S.