Just One of the Guys

St. Patrick's Day!  A decently appropriate time to bring up this post.  It's something I've thought about with great frequency and something that I still can't determine my feelings towards.  I am a bro.

But not like, polo shirt wearing, popped collar, hat turned to the side kind of bro.  I'm a "let's just have some beers, guys" kind of bro.  The "I wear boxers and a sports bra to sleep" type of bro.  The "yeah, of course you can joke around with me, but expect it right back at you" bro.  The, "clean-smelling t-shirt?  Done." bro.  And I love that; I love being relaxed and comfortable and just chilling out with some close friends over a few beers.

But is that enough?

Just the Genetic Me

Several times within the past week, I have gone out with no makeup on.  I didn't have any blaring pimples, the runs were nothing of significance, and I was just too lazy to put on the few dabs of makeup I usually do.  And every one of those times this past week, I've either gotten compliments on the street I've never heard before--such as "DAMN girl, you sexy as FUCK"--or close friends like Volcano and Lavender asking "what's different today" or why I "looked so good."  And remember, the boys never compliment me.

Literally, all I wear on a normal day is mascara and cover-up where I have zits.  If I feel like jazzing it up a bit, I might put on some eye shadow or eyeliner as well.  No foundation, bronzer, blush, lipstick, etc.  Mascara.  Yet apparently, its absence makes me more attractive.  Who knew!

Moral of the story?  No matter how little you may do to impress the world, you're still doing something to impress.  You're not being entirely you.  Less is more and you may be more beautiful when you're simply the raw, bare you that your genetics coded for.  Now, that being said, I'm not going to never wear mascara again.  I like it, I like how it makes my eyes look.  And I certainly am still going to dab a little cover-up when I breakout, because I don't like people looking at my acne.  But if I don't feel like it one day or I'm not worried about impressing Drifter or someone, I probably won't wear anything anymore.  And I, my purely genetic self, just might be confident doing so.

Heidi Klum--SO beautiful!

Makeup-less and sweatpants-ed,
The A.S.S.

"Where do you get the confidence?"

(Introduction: Lavender. One of los chicos, but the least present one of them all. Chill, very laid back, calm, funny, genuine. Student, musician, smoker.
Introduction: Volcano. One of los chicos. Absolutely hilarious, absurd, goofy, outgoing, illogical. Student, filmmaker, foreigner.
Introduction: Leggings. Roommate. Bubbly, tall, friendly, laid back. Student, actress, sleep talker.
Introduction: Zero. One of los chicos. High class, city-savvy, short, sexist. Student, baller, gym rat.
Introduction: Eclipse. One of los chicos; doesn't live with them, but lives across the hall. Very relaxed, adorable, sweet, gentleman, intelligent, tall, respectful. Student, baller, close friend for many years.
Introduction: Ron Jeremy. One of los chicos. Laid back, hilarious, sexist, adorable. Student, musician, foreigner.)

Last night, while spending some time with los chicos for Lavender's birthday, Volcano said to Malibu, Leggings, and myself something he loves to say to me.

"Where do you get the confidence?"

Now, Volcano likes to say this to me when I hum along to music playing, when I dance around the room, anything really. It's completely a joke and he usually apologizes for saying it within thirty seconds, but los chicos love to toss it around.

So, Malibu, Leggings, and I were simply in los chicos' room just hanging around and talking with them. There were no open seats, so the three of us were standing and just being silly and goofing off. In the midst of our completely random behavior and slightly immature nature, Volcano busts out the line. Soon, Lavender, Zero, Eclipse, and Ron Jeremy decide to join in. All the guys are ripping on us, continually. We just laugh along and roll with the punches.

But suddenly, Volcano goes, "No, seriously. Why do you guys always do this? you come here and act so strange. You never do this around other people, do you. How can you just be so carefree?" He was genuinely confused. Lavender chimed in and supported Volcano's confusion.

This baffled me. They were confused as to why we were having a good time and just relaxing? Wait, what.

So I say, "How is that confusing? We're comfortable enough with you all to act whatever way we feel. I don't see the issue here."

And Lavender takes a few seconds to just stare at me. "Wow," he eventually says. "I guess I never thought about it that way. Is that true? Huh..."

Why do men get so confused at the concept of women being simply friends? I, personally, NEED to have my core group of guy friends who I can just go to and sit around with and not even particularly do anything with. I just need guys who are good company, accepting of me, and willing to bro-out, as Malibu calls it, when I need that down time. Luckily, I found los chicos and they have been that solid group for me at school. I honestly have no clue as to why all of them were so truly perplexed by our comfort with them and our openness to be who we want to be. If anyone has any explanation, please share.

I guess I'm more shaken by it than anyone else in that room because that's what I expect from my friends. I don't want friends around whom I have to be only one particular way. I need that freedom and comfort level to be me and all sides of me, whenever I want. I need to know and be sure that I'll be accepted for that and the comfort is mutual. Best friends can take me out for a fun night or just stay in and talk for a few hours. Best friends can discuss my papers with and with whom I can run through the streets and pull Trigger Happy TV stunts. I need versatility and the assurance that my friends know ME and accept ME. And, perhaps even moreso, I want to be that friend as well. I try so hard to be as good of a friend as I can, and I definitely feel that no one is a true friend who can only accept one tiny piece of someone.

So my final note is just to be as open to your friends as you can be. If you want them in your life, you have to open up to them. Give a little and offer to take a little. Let them in. Take the plunge. It's scary as all hell, but a true friend is perhaps the greatest thing this world has to offer.