Heyyyy... sorry about that.

I'm back!  From hiatus!  I had a lot of shit going on and even though writing has been my outlet and a way for me to cope with everything, for some reason, I just couldn't blog.  It wasn't working, it wasn't helping, and it was stressing me out more.  A lot went down during finals and over break and in the past few weeks.  Like:

-the deaths of several people close to me
-holidays with the family and close friends and ensuing drama/events
-Drifter breaking off whatever it was we had
-attempting to finalize plans for the next three years of my life
-learning that someone close to me is expecting a child soon
-a friend of mine getting engaged
-running into old friends and doing a LOT of catching up
-...including a very close friend from home telling me he was gay and had known for over a year, but was too afraid to tell me sooner
-immersing myself in a new world and diving head first into the culture
-being told by several close friends that I should seek medical and psychological help, as they speculate I might be suffering depression
-a good friend finally starting to wean himself off of the medications he's been taking his entire life

and probably a bunch more other things that I can't remember right now.  And of course, there's the typical swings of emotions and thoughts from a day-to-day basis, work, classes, and everything else.  I don't really have anything in particular to talk about right now or the time to necessarily do so, but every day I remember this blog and remember how long it's been and feel incredibly guilty.  So hello, I'm still here and haven't forgotten about this little project, don't anyone worry.

Also, happy first birthday!  It was technically 8 days ago, but like I said, I've been all over the place.

And more importantly, a shout-out to all the international viewers!  Blogger is telling me that I have people from all over the world reading, which is AMAZING.  From India to Russia to Slovenia to Australia to Canada to Germany to several other countries, that's so so cool to find out.  So thanks, everyone!  Hope I'm vaguely interesting and can get you all to keep coming back :)

Over and out,
I hope things are well for everyone out there!
The A.S.S.

"Where do you get the confidence?"

(Introduction: Lavender. One of los chicos, but the least present one of them all. Chill, very laid back, calm, funny, genuine. Student, musician, smoker.
Introduction: Volcano. One of los chicos. Absolutely hilarious, absurd, goofy, outgoing, illogical. Student, filmmaker, foreigner.
Introduction: Leggings. Roommate. Bubbly, tall, friendly, laid back. Student, actress, sleep talker.
Introduction: Zero. One of los chicos. High class, city-savvy, short, sexist. Student, baller, gym rat.
Introduction: Eclipse. One of los chicos; doesn't live with them, but lives across the hall. Very relaxed, adorable, sweet, gentleman, intelligent, tall, respectful. Student, baller, close friend for many years.
Introduction: Ron Jeremy. One of los chicos. Laid back, hilarious, sexist, adorable. Student, musician, foreigner.)

Last night, while spending some time with los chicos for Lavender's birthday, Volcano said to Malibu, Leggings, and myself something he loves to say to me.

"Where do you get the confidence?"

Now, Volcano likes to say this to me when I hum along to music playing, when I dance around the room, anything really. It's completely a joke and he usually apologizes for saying it within thirty seconds, but los chicos love to toss it around.

So, Malibu, Leggings, and I were simply in los chicos' room just hanging around and talking with them. There were no open seats, so the three of us were standing and just being silly and goofing off. In the midst of our completely random behavior and slightly immature nature, Volcano busts out the line. Soon, Lavender, Zero, Eclipse, and Ron Jeremy decide to join in. All the guys are ripping on us, continually. We just laugh along and roll with the punches.

But suddenly, Volcano goes, "No, seriously. Why do you guys always do this? you come here and act so strange. You never do this around other people, do you. How can you just be so carefree?" He was genuinely confused. Lavender chimed in and supported Volcano's confusion.

This baffled me. They were confused as to why we were having a good time and just relaxing? Wait, what.

So I say, "How is that confusing? We're comfortable enough with you all to act whatever way we feel. I don't see the issue here."

And Lavender takes a few seconds to just stare at me. "Wow," he eventually says. "I guess I never thought about it that way. Is that true? Huh..."

Why do men get so confused at the concept of women being simply friends? I, personally, NEED to have my core group of guy friends who I can just go to and sit around with and not even particularly do anything with. I just need guys who are good company, accepting of me, and willing to bro-out, as Malibu calls it, when I need that down time. Luckily, I found los chicos and they have been that solid group for me at school. I honestly have no clue as to why all of them were so truly perplexed by our comfort with them and our openness to be who we want to be. If anyone has any explanation, please share.

I guess I'm more shaken by it than anyone else in that room because that's what I expect from my friends. I don't want friends around whom I have to be only one particular way. I need that freedom and comfort level to be me and all sides of me, whenever I want. I need to know and be sure that I'll be accepted for that and the comfort is mutual. Best friends can take me out for a fun night or just stay in and talk for a few hours. Best friends can discuss my papers with and with whom I can run through the streets and pull Trigger Happy TV stunts. I need versatility and the assurance that my friends know ME and accept ME. And, perhaps even moreso, I want to be that friend as well. I try so hard to be as good of a friend as I can, and I definitely feel that no one is a true friend who can only accept one tiny piece of someone.

So my final note is just to be as open to your friends as you can be. If you want them in your life, you have to open up to them. Give a little and offer to take a little. Let them in. Take the plunge. It's scary as all hell, but a true friend is perhaps the greatest thing this world has to offer.

The Necessary Evil

Hello, anyone who might be reading this. I have to gain some sort of street-cred before I get this going, right? Or else, who would ever give a damn what I have to say. Well, in all honesty, I don't have any street-cred. Seriously. I literally am just another girl. I'm a college student privileged enough to be studying in New York City, and I realize every day more and more how blessed I am to be here. Besides living in such an amazing city, I don't see myself as being anything too above average.

So why would I start a blog, with the intention of having people read it. Well, in case anyone is interested in what life really is like for so many of us, I'll be writing about it here. It's not the movies. It's not the books or TV shows. It's what really happens every day on the streets, in the dining halls, in the dorms rooms, in cities, wherever. It's not explosions and car races and love scenes and picture-perfect moments; it's the people you meet, the things you see, the stories you hear and share and create, the revelations you come to, the places you make a life out of, time passing by, unrequited love, music and art, secrets and drama, desire and passion, pain and reality, and it's so much more. But, it's just life. So welcome to it.

So just a few explanations to go up before I get this thing rolling. I'm going to keep things anonymous on here so as to protect anyone from harm, revealing secrets, etc etc, all that jazz. I want to be completely free to say the whole truth, no limitations. I'll have code names and introductions and what not so it won't be "and then the first guy told the guy who came in the room twenty minutes after us that the chick in the pink halter top is totally into him, according to pink-halter-top-chick's best friend, that girl with the lipstick and red stilettos" blah blah. I'm going to attempt to write frequently, no matter how trivial, because that's what this is about. My goal is to write daily, if possible. Of course, studies come first, so if I don't get to it, I hope you forgive me. Not that I think this blog will really be all that important to anyone out there. But anywho, all I plan to do is report on everyday things, maybe add some commentary of my own, and just invite any followers into this world so many people share with me. I do hope to write an entry later in the night, but I have some work to finish up. So, here's to hopefully talking to whoever you are later.

Prost.
(I don't have any sort of cool blogger name yet. I'm working on it.)