A Sign I Couldn't Let Slide

I'm a big believer in signs.  I feel that when something pops out at you and catches your eye because of something on your mind, that wasn't there coincidentally.  Especially when it happens time after time after time and again.  And there have been plenty of signs over the past few weeks that keep pointing me to Drifter, but this one was pretty blatant.

It was two nights ago and I was taking a walk down a street I'd never been on before.  I had just left my place and had contemplated writing that last post over and over.  I wanted to get it out, put it down somewhere, and of course, stay true to my mission statement.  But I didn't want to curse myself, jinx anything, or just generally be too pathetic in a public sphere.  So I took a walk to listen to some music, see some New York, and gather my thoughts.

As I strolled, my mind was just flooded with Drifter.  How everything seems to be pointing towards something more, but I could just be horrendously misinterpreting it all and forcing myself into an unnecessary emotional roller coaster.  How he and are I surprisingly perfect for each other and more compatible than anyone else I've ever had an interest in, but is that just my gut and heart trying to convince my mind?  What on earth are his intentions?  Does he understand what my intentions are?  Am I being too aggressive and pressuring too much? Oy, my mind was just reeling.

I came across a bit of construction and the thinly walled wooden border had been doused with graffiti.  I love graffiti, so I made sure to take note of as much as I could as I passed by.  Walking down, there was so much to see, so much overlapping and so many pieces competing for their space to be noticed.  But there was one spot where no one was competing--there was one sentence in an open space, completely unobstructed by anything else.  As if everyone else had decided to respect it.  As if it was a supreme word.  It simply read:

"Write about love."

And my Lord, I was struck down to my bones.  I had been thinking of Drifter all day, but I didn't want to call it love (I still don't), and I didn't want to jinx the magic I was (and am) feeling.  Yet here it was, staring me in the face.  "Write about love."  I couldn't help the feeling that the universe had brought me here to see that, that this wasn't a coincidence.  So I went home, thought some more, got a good night's sleep, and woke up with a crystallized story to tell.  And that's why you see yesterday's post--because I couldn't let that sign slide.

Taken from http://bvswimmer33.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d2v0cjm

Writing about love because

"I may already love you,"

The A.S.S.

He makes me want to burst. Seriously.

I don't want to be alone any more.

I've been fine for the past few months after my last big rejection, and I decided, "Fuck it. I'm single and I can't change that right now."  And somehow, that worked and I didn't care about being single.  It was just what I was and that's how my life was.  No big deal either way.  But now, now that there is a prospect and there has been even the slightest form of reciprocation, I'm getting butterflies all the time.

I think about Drifter more than I should--we still barely know each other.  But we've had a few dates now and every time, the hours just fly by as we talk and tell stories and just laugh with each other.  Believe me, I know how corny and ridiculous I sound when I say this, but I honestly and truly feel that he and I have a deeper connection I've never formed with someone so quickly.  It was there as soon as I met him.  Right from the start, we understood each other.  And it took a lot of finagling and walking on eggshells to get the ball rolling, but it is now and I can't believe how I'm feeling.

I don't think I felt this way even when my first boyfriend kissed me for the first time!  He makes me smile constantly and I'm so incredibly comfortable with him--I tell him stories I would never tell a stranger and he reciprocates.  We're moving slowly, but there are definite steps being taken and my heart is flying.

I was fine being alone.  I was content.  I walked down the streets, singing the music in my headphones, and smiling for no reason.  Things were working.  But now there's this wrench in the situation--I smile wider, I play my music louder, I sing more strongly, and I dance.  I was fine being alone, but not anymore.  I just want to be with him.  I want to hear another story from him, I want to order him another cup of coffee, I want to hold his hands and turn them over as I trace the lines in them, study the way he sits in his own skin, laugh at his ridiculous stories, show him that scar on my shoulder, lose myself in his eyes, and I want to melt into his smile.  Even as winter approaches and the sun disappears into the haze, there's this new part of me that's shining so brightly I want to burst.

Yeah, he literally makes me want to burst with joy.  I won't say I'm in love, but I think this just might be the precursor to it.

Taken from http://porcelainteacup.deviantart.com/#/d2xkc2b

Dancing on clouds,
The Amplified Shadowed Side.

Rainbows Over Manhattan?!

Class today was great--we really bit our teeth in and dug into class.  We had a very intense and in-depth discussion of the material, scrutinizing and thirsting and analyzing and craving.  It was really pretty awesome, I can't lie.  So I left with a skip in my step and a smile on my face.

It was raining, but I had a raincoat and umbrella ready.  It was a calm but heavy rain; powerful yet soothing.  So, again, I was happy.  Then I looked up and I saw blue skies with a vibrant rainbow.

I've never seen a rainbow in Manhattan before.  Ever.

And then my shuffle-all brought up Gene Kelly's classic "Singin' in the Rain."

By gum, I was ecstatic.  What a wonderful concoction of good!  It's so rare that a million little pieces conspire together in such beautiful harmony--I was smiling ear to ear at this point.  I'm sure every person I passed was confused beyond recognition, but I couldn't have cared less.  The world, in that moment, on that walk home, was perfect.

And waiting for me on my kitchen table was a hand-written letter from my best friend.

It's the small things in life that make the best days.  No diamonds, no fancy dinners out, no winning the lottery, no "A" on a paper.  Just a text from you or the right song on shuffle.  The chance to pet a cute dog.  Just a good cup of coffee in the morning.  Simple pleasures--that's all I need to make me smile.

(This is not the rainbow I saw today--I got this one off of Google.)

Yours,
The A.S.S.

A Little Stumble, A Little Ridicule

It was a long day, I was exhausted and I was power-walking my way home.  All I wanted to do was just get off of my feet, lie down, get into my bed and simply relax.  So I'm walking really fast in order to get to that bed.

And I'm walking.  I'm walking for ten minutes.  Twenty minutes.  When I'm twenty-five minutes in and only a block away from home, my shoe catches a crack in the pavement and I stumble a bit.  No flailing around, no falling, just a little bump and a quick pull of the foot forward to compensate and catch my momentum.  Really, not a big deal.  Slightly embarrassing, since I was power-walking and dodging in and out of people, but really not a big deal at all.

Which is what I thought.  But apparently, some girls walking behind me disagreed.

The See-Saw Effect

BLOODY HELL.

It's starting.  My life was going SO well for such a long run that I was thinking I was finally doing everything right.  But now, as per usual, the universe has turned and bad luck is following me everywhere.  I had a wonderful summer and the beginning of school was amazing.  Everything was great and grand and I felt just generally awesome about life.

But the shit started happening again.  It began with me losing my license on the subway when I brought it as a precaution to avoid problems.  Then, I poured expired milk on my bowl of cereal. Then, I go through a week of insomnia.  Then, something I've been waiting to buy myself is FINALLY restocked and as soon as I FINALLY get it, it breaks on the walk home.  Then, when out at a lovely dinner, I get this horrible headache that just will NOT go away and keeps getting worse and worse until my vision is blurring, I lose all appetite, become terribly lethargic and apathetic, and my entire body starts shaking.  Then, I lose my room key in class.  Then, I get violently ill for a few hours at home.  Then, I completely misread my midterm assignment and have to restart it all over again.  ACK!

It's what I can only think of calling the see-saw effect.  Life seems to go in these cycles for me--a bout of good and a bout of bad.  What's weird, however, is that the magnitude is generally always equal.  So, since I've been having such a good, decent time and lifestyle over the past few months, I suppose the universe decided that my time was over and I needed to be brought back down.  My good side of the see-saw had peaked and I needed to swing low, bringing the bad side up.  And quickly.

I just hope that the rapidity of the bad things--though each small but sharp pangs--will equate to the lengthiness of my decent months, and this down swing will lighten up soon.  I'm okay with an alright life.  I just hate this part right here where everything seems to suck ass.

Taken from http://jerzeykat.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d4dcp7

Waiting for my upswing,
The A.S.S.

Gratuitous Boy Talk

Time to talk about boys!  As much as I hate to dump this out on a blog, I promised to do just that.  And what blog of a college girl would be complete without boy talk?

So!  There are three I'd like to tell you all about.  One of them you already know!  You remember Peachy Keen?  Cool.

Let's begin, yes?  We'll start from what we know.